The Question.... remix

I have been doing a lot of thinking , and praying, and talking to friends. And I believe that God does not want me in Bloem ....... Yet.

You see, due to some very stupid choices that I have made in the past , and compounded by the fact that I have not earned a decent salary in quite a while , I have a LOT of debt. Enough debt that I now have a lot of lawyers and debtors on my case.

Now before I can move forward with my life , I need to get rid of all this debt. Start on a clean page. With my current job and current salary , to clean the debt would take me nearly 5 years. By which time I will be 37 !

There is another option however. An option that I have considered earlier and then placed on hold when I started to enjoy the driving job (that I have since had to give up for the office position that I hate).

This option was to become a game ranger, or to use the proper name, a Field Guide. A job that I would like to do and one that will allow me to pay of my debt in about 2.5 years. The reason for this is that the job usually includes housing, food and clothes. So all of my salary, which is not great, will be able to pay debt. The reason for this quite obviously is that I now pay lodging and food , which will fall away if I am a Field Guide.

In order to apply for a game rangers position I will need to do the following :

• register with the Field Guide Association of SA in April
  
• batten down the hatches , and study my ass off .
• Write the Level 1 exam and pass with 75% or more.
• Get my PDP
  
• Do a practical exam at a game farm.
• Start applying for a job as a level 1 Ranger. (actually Field Guide)

So this for now is the short to medium term plan for my life. Stick it out with the current job, try to hold off the debtors (or apply to be placed under administration) and work towards getting that Level 1 FGASA credit behind my name.

So pray for me, that I have the strength , determination, and the drive to get through all of this.

The Question .continued....

Ok. So what on earth was all that about ??

Maybe , for those who do not know me, a quick background. I grew up in a town called Bloemfontein. In my married years I have moved with my wife (then a probationary minister in the Methodist Church) from Bloemfontein to Centurion. Then Macassar , near Cape Town. Then Bloemfontein again. Then , after getting very hurt in the congregation in Bloemfontein, we moved to Uitenhage. Now apart from the fact that our marriage of 10 years ended in divorce in Uitenhage , the place was actually very good to both of us. My (ex) wife has since moved to Cape Town where, I am happy to say , she is very happy. I have stayed around in Uitenhage and started to work for VW as an endurance test driver. A job that I really enjoyed. The only bad thing about the job was that there were times where no work was available and I stayed home. Without pay !

Now in the mean time , the boss needed a PA. And I was the choice , I guess since I knew how to witch on a PC. To be honest, I do not like this new job. In fact the word 'hate' springs to mind. I am not sure how long I will be able to keep up under this strain. The only nice thing about the new job is the fact that I am guaranteed of work every day. Something that I really need, given my precarious financial situation.

Right ! Now to the Question. In the past 3 days I have had 3 people all asking me when I am moving back to Bloemfontein. I have been avoiding that question , but it seems that God wants me to deal with it.

For a reason I can not explain I have been kicking very hard against going back to Bloem. I think that I need to list the pros and cons of Bloem here.

Cons

• I have gotten very hurt in Bloem
• Bloem is very far from the ocean - something I have come to love.
• Bloem is very far from my wonderful Uitenhage friends
• I am going to miss my church
• I do not know where I will join a church in Bloem. I do not trust any of the 2 Methodist churches there.
  
• There is not much to do as far as outdoor experiences are concerned.
  

Pros

• I have very good friends in Bloem
• I can have a clean start without the 'stigma' of being recently divorced.
• I have a chance of getting a job that I like.
• There may be some one special for me in Bloem

I need to find God's will in this. Where does He want me to go ? I wish I knew what He wanted me to do with my life. Because I honestly have no idea.

I do know this: If I go to my boss and tell him that I am resigning and moving to Bloem he will give birth to seven little kittens with rubber necks on his desk.

and 19:43 ..

I just thought that after that whole post this morning and my moaning about my job, that it is only fair that I come back and comment some at the end of this day.

I was really really tired . And what a whacker of a day I had. Never a still moment. But ....

I need to be honest. I actually feel better about the job. I feel a bit more in control of what is happening and I nearly enjoyed doing it. It was a real busy day and I had to keep going.

And the fact that my boss went to the trouble, of bringing the lady who I am replacing down from Pretoria to help show me the ropes, helped a lot because I did not need to ask him for help or advice on every little thing.

So ! I am sure that My heavenly Daddy had hand in this day and helped me to face it. And I am thankful.

Now if only He would answer my other questions !!

But I guess , all in good time.

05:46 in the morning

It is quarter to six on this beautiful Tuesday morning, and I find myself in front of my PC again. I have just come back from cycling with my friend Neville aka Mcgyver. I really enjoy these early morning cycling sessions , but I do find that I pay the price for them as well. The thing is that in order to go cycling before work I need to get up at 4:30.

Now that in itself is not a problem. Especially if you go to bed at 20:00 like my dad. But.... The problem is that I don't. Even if I go to bed at 22:00 I find myself rolling around and being very awake till at least 00:30. And that leaves me with 4 hours of sleep a night. Which for me is way too little.

I find , that without enough sleep, I become irritable and depressed. I do not cope well with things in my life.

Like my new job. I have been moved from having to drive for 8 hours a day to having to sit in an office and do filing and excel spreadsheets for 8 hours. And I do not enjoy it. Which makes me feel guilty.

I know (and have been told by my mother) that I am intelligent. That I have a brain capable of solving problems and getting jobs done. I have proven that yesterday by redesigning one of our spreadsheets and effectively cutting my workload by 35%. And all of this makes me feel guilty for preferring a mindless driving job above something challenging.

In a couple of days there will be more cars running and enough work for everyone andI will be stuck in an office. I just wish I could see God's plan for me in all of this.

Maybe I need to get more sleep. Then I will probably cope better. And blogger will get less posts out of me. And I would not post pictures of mice inside snakes, and giggle uncontrollably when I see it.

PS: Sorry about moaning like this. I just had to talk to somebody..... (but that is another post on its own)

PPS : I sure hope my boss never reads this.

This is what I do .

I drive cars with stickers like this on their noses and tails.

My official job description is "Endurance test Driver"

Must be honest though, it sounds a lot more glamorous than it is.
Unfortunately I am contract bound not to reveal any of the details of my job as far as types of cars , speeds , routes , etc , so this is the best I can do.