Verse for the day

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Love


What a word ?! One of those words that have so many meanings. A word that evokes so many responses and emotions. And a word that I feel the need to blog about. The problem is that I run the risk of hurting people that are close and important to me.

So let us get past the disclaimer first. This post is not intended to hurt or to make anyone feel guilty or worried. This post is there purely to enable me to work through some thoughts and maybe help people understand what is going on in my mind.

Ok , so let me dive right in. I have been married for 10 years. And at the beginning of the year me and Alet got divorced. But while we were married I really loved Alet. In fact, I loved her so much that I often feared that God would take her away from me because I loved her too much. Now, whether I actually managed to convey my love to her in a manner that she could understand , believe and accept, that I am not sure of. But the fact remains that I loved her.

And then , one day , we got divorced.  And now , I find myself with questions when it comes to loving.

Did I love her too much ? Did God take her away becuase I loved her too much ?

If the answer to the above questions is 'No', then I have other questions: Will I be able to ever love another person like I loved her? Will God allow me to love someone else like that?

If I have to be honest , then I need to admit that , at the moment, I am scared to love again. While I long for companionship and love and intimacy , I am scared to love again. Or pursue love again.  But I guess that time heals all wounds.

So I will hang in there.. And maybe one day  I will have answers to my questions.

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